As I watch…

The spark in her eyes told me how it was,  her childhood, full of joy and wonders      as she played with her siblings, all day long, without  any loss                                  It was perfect, full of shine and no thunders

“Look at all of us smiling” she said    with a unique sadness over her eyes          as we all laid down on the bed                      ‘I am so sorry, mom’… I thought with  sighs

Those memories were her past                     mine is her laughter                                         She is alive at the brink, yet so dead as it it’s her last                                                           because now, she is controlled by a master

He calls himself ‘the husband’                     as he wreaks havoc and spreads mayhem  I watch silently, as he breaks off her wings                                                                      and sucks all the spark within   

      

I tried to stop him once, to stop hurting her                                                                      he turned on me and shaked me from deep                                                                        But she stopped him, and took all the wrath on her                                                        As, for once again at night, I cried myself to sleep

An Overview

It’s midnight and for the very first time since its inception, I’ve re-read all my blog posts. Some felt a little childish, others really true. You know, earlier I used to kinda think a little before framing a blog post. But as I read them, I realise it’s your own personal space. And, I thought of deleting that last sentence but I don’t really care if you read it and go- “oh, what a typical teenager, that’s what she cares about!” Well, You cared to read it… That says something too. Anyway, I learnt a lot about distractions and after a lot of thought, my verdict is try to avoid them. You think they’ll take away the pain, they just make it worse. It’s like the daily homework that keeps on adding up until it becomes a ton. So, yeah, I suggest you to find a solution or live with the pain. It’ll be hard, unbearable at times but it’s better than a lot at once. I guess I understand how addicts behave. I was one too, at some point. So, you know, I know life sucks.. it usually does. But just stay, things get better around the corner for a few instants. They are good too, You know. Night -night. 


It’s been reused. But, hey, I am eco-friendly.

The picture changed…

During my vacations, I felt bored and exhausted at the same point and I tried to figure out how that could be. So, I did what I always do when I’m confused – ordered a book off Amazon, and I thought it’ll work because books always work, they make you mad, and they change your thought angle by a lot of degrees, but surprisingly,  I finished it in two days and I didn’t realise what it tried to say. So, I thought let’s use the age-old remedies, watch a movie and have lunch outside, but then I realised I didn’t wanna try either one with any of the people I already know, nor by myself.

tumblr_llljz0usuv1qaobbko1_500I wanted to go and have fun with a total stranger, and after having lunch and saying goodbye, I never wanted to meet him/her again. And I wanted to meet a new stranger sorta everyday. And when I described this problem to people I know,  they thought that I’d either gone bonkers or this was just one of my teenage phases. But, I think I’ve been through them, and this didn’t feel like one. And then I realised I was sick of routine, the usual school, classes, chatter, teachers, homework, projects, I was and still am so sick of that. I was sick of my life being so fixed, so predictable. I could actually anticipate other people’s reactions in a conversation because now I ‘d known the same people for so many years. And for the first time in my life, I was sick of being an introvert. SO, I changed my status to – ” I’m in love with cities I’ve never been to and people I’ve never met.” (Courtesy of John Green) I was so sick of my everything being so certain…. And i know it’s ironic based on my last post. But I still feel it. And I really wish I had an epic ending to this blog post. But I don’t. This feels like the complaints and hues of a teenager, but trust me, they’re not. In my opinion, they’re bigg
er than that.

Is uncertainty = weakness?

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In the movie ‘Man of Steel’, one of the villains tells Superman – “You are weak, son of Odin, unsure of yourself.” I have been thinking about this for a few days now, why is uncertainty or instability considered a feature of weakness? Uncertainty often leads to the creation of doubt and fear among people’s minds. A kingdom or ruler who fails to take decisions with complete assurance is considered weak. At a personal level, uncertainty over my future plans and career goals fills me with fear at times. Thinking about it last night made me realize that if you are unsure of what you want to do and what you are going to do, you don’t know how to begin. It is like a doctor who has all the equipment and a patient in the bed but doesn’t know how to perform the surgery or operation, for that matter. From the point of view of the patient, his family and even the staff, that doctor is entirely useless, no matter how talented he/she is.

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And more importantly, from the point of view of the doctor, he won’t be able to cure anyone at all, in the long run, the failure to have any fruitful results will effect him severely. First off, he’ll lose his job, money and all the materialistic luxuries. Secondly and more importantly so, he’ll begin to doubt his own abilities, his own potential, and at a later stage – himself. Applying it in a generic view, a man without a plan has nearly impossible chances of achieving success at any task. And applying it at a personal level, I will not be able to compete as I don’t know which platform to choose and begin with. And I guess, that’s the reason why a country’s govt. has more than a hundred plans for development, in all sphere of life- society, education, economy, culture etc. Whether the plan works or not is still secondary, you know, more importantly, you should still have a plan. ‘Coz a man with a plan is ‘Superman’ (or man of steel…)

Change – Damn, it’s difficult!

Bon soir!

This is me writing a post on my blog, visited by none other than me. And if you’re not me and reading this, (whoohoo,, I love you) I am not at all sad about it (the no visitors’ thing).

I am in school and till the last month, I was a really good student. But then, I got into something;  something that people don’t really talk about in public and slowly, it transformed into  an addiction. And it was so wild, that I lost the ability to feel or relate to any emotion, light or severe…. and trust me, you don’t wanna be there. Then, I got my exams, the huge kind, the kind where you have to sit on a chair for three hours and concentrate. But, before that, they give you time to prepare your fate,,,, and now that the results have come out, I crapped each one of my exams (except for language).

It hurt, it does mostly. And the realization to bring a change did strike but it’s not that easy. We all know what Gandhi said but still, it’s not that easy. I had to face an army of ruthless nincompoops, not willing to listen to anything I had to say but they’re entitled to.

It’s just that, the exams were way too easy and had I been able to focus, I just might have aced them. SO, this blog post is me writing to myself. That’s what all of them have been actually. I am still not convinced, how does it happen? Why is our brain so vulnerable, used to all kinds of distractions? Why can’t we just do what we should do?

I guess I’ll try to find that in the journey of change. My journey of change.

Why is everything so messed up?

Mess. That’s one word which causes disasters in everyone’s lives. Be it material or emotional, mess or chaos- as many refer to it- can be so distracting, it can readily reduce an individual’s productivity and thinking capacity to a negative of infinity. What is so special about mess that it consumes people’s brains? Why can’t it be treated like a disease or an emotional loss? Why does every single little thing in the world have to come with so many complications and create a havoc?

Blame it to our thinking. We’re always taught how we should leave a mark on the  planet, such that even when we die, we are still remembered. That simple logic is being applied here too. I guess they started out with something simple, which  was new at the time and then so many of these ‘simple things’ came into being that people were forced to complicate their everything to earn a place in the minds of the  future generations? Everybody remembers Newton for his work  ( all that complicated math stuff) but no one remembers a farmer who might have a hand in feeding our very own ancestors.

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Hence, the new theory has changed to- ‘ If you wanna be remembered, you gotta do something that confuses people’. ‘Cause confusion leads to curiosity which in turn leads to knowledge. So, why can’t each one of us walk lightly on the Earth and relieve it of its wounds?

Next time, when you feel effed up, just try to understand it’s someone’s attempt to leave a mark. Let him be and try to extract your role from that tangled bunch.

Chaos and its consequences

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It was a boring day, as usual but something happened such that  it became confusing and weirdly tragic. Right now, my head’s a mess with thoughts of regrets entangling, hitting its walls. I hurt people due to this mess and thus, it adds to the pain in my head. My whole life is a chaos. I constantly keep searching for a distraction from it. That’s one of the reasons I’m a voracious fictional reader.

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Love: The age-old therapy

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.

H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Love. Big word. What is love?

Is it something that mesmerizes people and leaves them wanting for more or is it just a feeling like hatred or revenge or joy?  Neurosurgeons would agree to the latter but people, in general will say yes to the former.

What do I believe in? Well, I agree to the neurosurgeons. Love is just a feeling, a sensation that makes you feel the exact way hatred does, it’s only the effect that’s opposite. People say it makes you feel alive and complete and happy. I believe our happiness depends on ourselves, our choices, our actions. Some get happy with a little bracelet and some that cannot be pleased even with a diamond necklace.

People usually think of diamonds as a mark of love but a chemist wouldn’t give them a second glance. Reason: they’re all just carbon. Black, ugly, dirty carbon that your pencil lead is made from.

So, what do you believe in, love to be an amazing luck-by-chance or just a sensation that’s good to experience once in a while? (I’d say the latter)

Home : sweet or sour?

 The home should be the treasure chest of living.

 -Le Corbusierhome

Home

Small word. Big meaning.

Is home really the place where your heart lives or where your family lives?

Well, in my case, it’s the latter. I am not entirely sure of where my heart lives but I bet it’s not at my home. For me, home is just another place where I can access food, shelter and clothing. That’s pretty much it. The place where I am constantly being judged for my actions, where the thought of expressing your true self is a crime and where I continuously have to put on a mask to conceal my feelings. A place where arguments arise like wildfire and become as abusive as a Bad Boys’ movie. And the best part, they go on like the seasons of Grey’s Anatomy: forever, like thrice a day. You see, there’s a reason why the Government of my country is always so confused and dependent… They were brought in the same environment, by the kind of people who burn their future to stay alive.

So, what does it look like: a platform for comfort or a battlefield? I’ll leave that for you to decide.